unhealthy relationship signs to look for:
Intensive - the abuser is extreme in his/her feelings towards you - sometimes you feel like you can't breath or that he/she is constantly checking in on you, wants to see you, and texts/calls you too much
- Jealous - the abuser accuses you of seeing someone else, or flirting with someone. They are threatened when you spend more time with friends and family then you do with them.
- Manipulation - They try to convince you to do things that go against your values and beliefs - or the thing he/she wants you to do makes you uncomfortable and they will not take "no" for an answer - punishing you by lashing out - either verbally or physically, calling you names, destroying your property, using social media to embarrass you or threaten your reputation, or they give you the "silent treatment."
- Isolation- when someone is keeping you away from your family and friends - they may check your phone calls/text messages, make you choose between them and your family/friends. They may insist that you spend all of your time with them - or they make you feel as if you are not making the right "judgments" about outside relationships.
- Control - the abuser controls you when they make you dependant upon them for financial resources, your phone, the keys to the car. When they prevent you from working or seeing your friends and family - or even going to church. They may make you feel dependent on them for love and acceptance - using tactics like "gaslighting" that causes you to question things you know did or did not occur.
- Sabotage - the abuser takes actions against you that causes you to lose friends, your job, miss school or practice. They take steps to ruin your reputation, starting rumors, or threaten to destroy your reputation by sharing private information about you.
- Excessive sarcasm/belittling- the abuser makes you feel bad about yourself or your decisions. They make remarks, either behind close doors - or even in the presence of others that make you look bad, embarrass, or are rude. They make fun of you or are sarcastic - and will justify their behavior saying "I was only joking."
- Guilty/Blaming - the abuser will make you feel guilty or blame you for their abusive behaviors, drinking, doing drugs, or even having an affair - telling you that it is your fault that they are so angry or that you caused the situation or the behavior.
- Volatility - Unpredictable behaviors by the abuser that make you feel as if you are walking on eggshells. They are moody - you never know what will set them off, you don't feel safe in their presence - always needing to be careful what you say or do - as that might "set them off."
- Jekyll and Hyde - Your abuser may be a prominent figure in the church and/or society. They may be socially accepted and adored by many and even treat you well in public. But these individuals will lie to you and leave you out of discussions and decisions that affect your life and your livelihood. These individuals will also be protected by their status in society and their social groups and you may feel that you have no one who will believe you because they are so well liked by your friends and family, your church, and/or the community in which you live.
If you are experiencing somatic or physical issues such as sleeplessness, anxiety, mood swings, concentration issues - or you are in fear of what you say or what you do - you want to reach out for help, but you are afraid - we understand - as a matter of fact, chances are we have been where you are - and we can help.